I need help removing her.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
