Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
