the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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