I think my fart just growled at me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
