I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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