I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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