why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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