ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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