Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need moral support for this bender
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
