Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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