I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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