After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize