maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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