Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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