You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
