"it" just moved
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
