Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
