I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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