so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
