It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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