I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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