I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
