he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
