Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize