i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
