I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Panties = found
Randomize
