You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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