Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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