found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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