I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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