Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
