This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
