And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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