Is it because I queefed?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
