mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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