Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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