just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a search helicopter?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
