you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
