They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
