A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize