The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
