It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
