pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
