so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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