Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Having a random hookup so left but love u
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
