to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
