My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
