I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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