Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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