I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize