is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
