I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
