I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
