I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
