Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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