My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
